you sensitive bastard

so

2010-11-10T21:51:25Z

i did something nice for someone today because i could.

didn't wanna trumpet it on facebook, but i will say that it made me feel good.

that is all.

ratpackslim @ 2010-06-07T22:03:00

2010-06-08T05:03:07Z

02:07 Just got back from Taos, NM, from an extended weekend teaching and absorbing some amazing poetry. Tired as hell but renewed in purpose. #

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ratpackslim @ 2010-04-25T22:03:00

2010-04-26T05:03:52Z

11:31 About to go rock the Norman Music Festival with the lovely @lazuni. It'll be the Captain and Teneille of spoken word sets. #

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ratpackslim @ 2010-04-21T22:01:00

2010-04-22T05:01:56Z

13:26 Up on Geekweek, a poem about Benjamin Grimm: tinyurl.com/2g7xrft #

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ratpackslim @ 2010-04-16T22:01:00

2010-04-17T05:01:44Z

22:08 @TrianaNatari No such thing as inappropriate stretching. Carry on. #
22:11 @dansullyrules @dainmichaeldown It's so cute when amateur nerds share web scoops with each other. Next, I wanna see tweets about Thor... #
22:45 @TrianaNatari Uh. I must be going to all the wrong bars. #

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ratpackslim @ 2010-04-15T22:01:00

2010-04-16T05:01:39Z

23:25 @AlexisDianaEarl: You ain't been over to Geekweek and checked our vids out? Homework, Ms. Lady! Get on it! (Plus, you want tagged on FB?) #
23:28 @KatzMoney I've never even picked up a stick. Now Helms, on the other hand...They call him No Regretsky. #standback #
17:32 Great first live Justin.TV broadcast, @geekweekonline. I am a smarter geek for having watched. #

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ratpackslim @ 2010-04-09T22:05:00

2010-04-10T05:05:24Z

09:31 @judyholiday I totally owe you a phonecall. And your tweets are the highlight of my morning. That, and this coffee here. Love. #

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ratpackslim @ 2010-04-06T22:01:00

2010-04-07T05:01:16Z

15:30 @TrianaNatari: Just saw your tweet about wanting to sing Dr Horrible with us...I'll be the Billy to your Penny anytime, lady. #
15:31 @TrianaNatari: Of course, that means you end up with Death Ray fragments in your chest, but I think it's totally worth it. #

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ratpackslim @ 2010-04-05T22:01:00

2010-04-06T05:01:27Z

10:08 @CVDFriday13th: Porn of The Dead? #
10:14 Hey, @geekgirls...The USB Boys wanna whisper sweet somethings to ya. tinyurl.com/yc6qoe4 #

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4/30: About That Elephant.

2010-04-05T18:08:56Z

Damn, did we chatterbox adorable.
All feeling fourteen and bulletproof.
I thought it would paint me shades of mope,
looking back on our giddy,
but it really just cemented extra heart
onto this unpaved highway.

Not the hope that we would once again
find solace in each others' sigh and steady,
but the kind of serial optimism that tells me
possibility is always renewable
for another season.

And oh, the seasons we compacted
into our glittery whirlwind.
We slow danced once for three minutes
going on a month.
I watched you paste up a photo album
with your eyes. Those eyes
were embers and flashlights.
They grafittied my palms with words
that will never wash off:

This.
Lover.
We.
Yes.
Ready.

Now whenever I applaud,
it sounds like your soft rasp.
Your leprechaun giggle.
Now when I pray, it feel like
reminder. It feels like signpost
saying, There will always be a light on.

This will never be a eulogy,
At best, it's a bedtime story,
a tuck-in, a chance to pull the covers
up to your chin, and turn down the light
as I fill us both up with fable
and storystuff.

All the ribbons and bows we exchanged
are still shoebox safe. I will watch
as you blossom into shades of everything.
It will be my favorite late night program.

Thank you for giving the map to my spine
and the oil for my rusty shoes.
Thank you for the lightning
and the sexy CPR.
But most of all, thank you
for knowing how to sand me down
when I feel the most jagged.

I have an elephant in my chest now,
thanks to you,
and I hear his memory
is impeccable.

1, 2, and 3/30...

2010-04-04T16:50:34Z

1/30: Punch Drunk Love.

The first night we made love
was marinated in an ocean of cabarnet savignon.

The wine swam through me
and we abandoned the nervous and awkward
that usually comes with first time naked.

After that, our favorite sex toys were all liquid
and poured from bottle to throat.
Cheap beer led to giggles and nibbling.
Tequila nights were hair-pulling and hard ride.
The red wines always spilled onto our glasses
and made our communion much more slow thrust
and thigh kiss.

The times we sobered up were lessons relearned.
It was difficult to reinvent the suave
that fakes its way out of the bottle.
Trying not to bang our foreheads on clarity
and stumble. Trying to reread the manual on how
to fit together as easily as when lubricated
in warm rum breath and bravado.

I'm not saying that our puzzle was ever easy
to piece together. We live much more comfortably
in our heads than in these lumpy, spongy skeletons
and our fear of not being casanova porn stars
always led to inviting a third into our bed.
A firebrand liquid threesome that slid
over our lips and down our throats like lava.
A paid professional.

At our best, we were swagger in doorways,
hotel bed abandon.
At our worst, we were exhausted, combative,
dealing with demons that wouldn't stop
riding so we rode back harder, collapsing
into unfinished business, praying for an ocean
of sober to make the carousel stop.

I think of you now when I sneak a flask sip,
how we seventh-grade kissed on the subway platform;
I smell your skin as I take in the bouquet
of a fine burgundy.
We started our affair halfway into the bottle,
knowing eventually it would be hollow,
ready to be recycled.

This is not some Irish whiskey lament ballad.
You still can make me raise my glass
and we had some volume ten forty ounce smiles.
Yes, I remember everything.
I remember how for a few moments we
were the perfect cocktail...

and I will drink to that.

2/30: Joe Smash.

I watched the documentary "Confessions of a Superhero" and realized that I knew the guy who dressed up like The Hulk. This is about that.

When I first met the Hulk,
he was sweeping the cement footprints
outside of Mann’s Chinese Theatre, at 3 AM.
He was homeless and had a happy piano mouth.
Now I was a new initiate to the Land of Glittery Starwalks
and he was as much of a transplant as I.
I just landed better.

He hadn’t been hit by the gamma rays yet,
so he was a little skinny.
I was still naïve enough to think it fun
to romp Hollywood Boulevard at three in the morning.
Past the head shops and gaudy fashion boutiques
and Scientologists.
The town was a little more honest then.

Hulk didn’t know he was Hulk yet and so I knew him as Joe.
Joe lived on the streets, I found out. Got paid under the table
to make sure no trash would land in R2-D2’s treadmarks.
Probably also helped keep staggering barflies from pissing
on Sinatra’s handprints. I couldn’t believe
that he could be so crazy optimistic
and so goddamned healthy.
He was a bum, for Chrissakes.
A real life hobo whose train didn’t run far enough.
But after a few years of being scraped across the Boulevard
myself, I later came to realize that Joe was gonna be okay.
Joe knew what the hustle was and worked it
like a scientist. Like a general.

So it turns out that Joe met Superman somewhere around
Hollywood and Highland
and decided to throw himself in front of the gamma bomb.
Started Hulking up. Now Hulking is his job.
He rocks foam hands and a lumpy set of muscle tights
in 90 degree weather so tourists can get a little
bit of photo magic. He won’t tell you, but he works
on tips.

It’s an interesting path to stardom.
Not the most direct.
But Hulk—knows—hustle. Joe knows he can
fill those Hulk hands up with cash.
Pay his rent.
Make little kids happy.
Maybe be seen in a kung-fu movie.

Joe McQueen may always be standing
on other people's accomplishments,
but he can look into his own shitty mirror in the morning,
dust off those big spongy fists, and say to himself,
with pride,

You are The Hulk.
The puny humans call you
Incredible.

3/30: For Ghosts of Pasha.

They came to your show.
It was maybe the third time you'd ever played out.
They had bootleg shirts,
temporary tats,
they knew all the lyrics.
They were 35 strong in New York City.
On a Sunday. At 10 PM.

Cut to:
24 hours later.
Someone sends you a link:
They were imposters.
It was all a big joke.

Spin and Rolling Stone pointed at you.
Not because you were the next Pavement
or even the new Marcy Playground,
but because you were pranked like rockstars.

How did you feel after that?
Like a Kick Me sign?
Like a towel-whipped, depantsed 7th grader?

Did they knock the ambition out of you?
When you next played out
to six people in a bar that swallowed you,
did you believe their sincerity?

Can best intentions sulphur scorch your ego?

Does your Best Gig Ever sit in your brain
as a gift or as an inkspill?

Is there such a thing
as bad publicity?

http://videosift.com/video/Improv-Everywhere-Ghosts-of-Pasha

ratpackslim @ 2010-03-25T22:01:00

2010-03-26T05:01:45Z

20:32 @secondpower Thought you might appreciate this. May be the first time you've been referenced in a slam poem. #
20:32 @secondpower Oops. The link: tinyurl.com/yl6hmow #

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ratpackslim @ 2010-03-12T23:03:00

2010-03-13T06:03:53Z

20:06 Still Friday, right? #FF @paulielipman @geekweekonline @jaytan @jackthejoker @djjedi @crixlee @geekgirls @ponyjones @CVDFridaythe13th #

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ratpackslim @ 2010-03-10T23:05:00

2010-03-11T06:05:03Z

20:40 Found out today that I was the subject of a Powerpoint presentation for an English class. Feelin' a little rockstar right now. #

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ratpackslim @ 2010-03-02T23:02:00

2010-03-03T06:02:33Z

18:35 If you're not following @DRUNKHULK, you should be. SLIM RECOMMEND! #

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ratpackslim @ 2010-02-28T23:04:00

2010-03-01T06:04:35Z

11:35 Hey, check it out! I've been interviewed...by ME! www.thenervousbreakdown.com/author/rsturma/ #
13:14 Just watched the debut episode of NXT on Hulu. Kudos to Daniel Bryan and @IAmJericho for putting on a hell of a match. #wwenxt #
21:54 Just watched "The Buddy Holly Story". It'd be more impressive that Busey sang all the songs himself IF HE GOT ANY OF THE WORDS RIGHT. #
21:55 @KatzMoney: How cool would it be to have someone interrupt the Russkie anthem with a little "Real American"? #

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ratpackslim @ 2010-02-23T23:02:00

2010-02-24T06:02:48Z

09:05 I'm starting to realize I'm about to have a Tetris week: It's all about making all the pieces fit. #deepvideogamethoughts #

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ratpackslim @ 2010-02-22T23:02:00

2010-02-23T06:02:20Z

06:15 @dainmichaeldown I may late with this, but the actor in Spidey 3 is Thomas Haden Church. Also awesome in Sideways with Paul Giamatti...! #
15:24 Very excited to be reppin' @geekweekonline via The USB Boys. Who says nerd poets can't kick some ass? tinyurl.com/ydp8la7 #

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ratpackslim @ 2010-02-20T23:02:00

2010-02-21T06:02:03Z

08:00 Spent the night shooting USB Boys footage. Learned a Spike Lee directing technique. Next stop: @GeekWeekOnline. #
14:54 @AustinCreed Is it Blood+? That's a great series...! #
18:45 @ThatChrisGore How do you feel about spelling and typos? :) #

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ratpackslim @ 2010-02-18T23:02:00

2010-02-19T06:02:44Z

00:24 @bethshax: the prison tat on my chest only gets exposed to the lucky few. Having said that, Geekweek tees would be suh-WEET. #
18:30 I am terrible about #followfriday, but i will say hit up my fellow USB Boy @paulielipman. Coming to @geekweekonline. Soon. #

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ratpackslim @ 2010-02-17T23:02:00

2010-02-18T06:02:23Z

09:10 @penny_hill I can't wait to hear the album. Go you! #
13:02 @BigDaddyWolf There are GW t-shirts? #

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ratpackslim @ 2010-02-16T23:01:00

2010-02-17T06:01:34Z

09:10 Color me crazy, but I'm looking forward to WWE NXT. Danielson and Low-Ki on my TV every week? Yes, please. #
15:18 @jaytan716 Hey, I know and you know that AmDrag and Ki aren't green, but those fellas Daniel Bryan and Kaval, I'm not so sure about... #
21:20 @JeremyBorash Good to see you back on TV, sir. I owe you a phonecall. #

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ratpackslim @ 2010-02-15T23:01:00

2010-02-16T06:01:43Z

20:14 50 Bonus Points to any nerd who uses the phrase "Let loose the Kraken" in bed. #
21:12 @RantzHoseley I just watched the flick again and I stand by my verbage. Do it for Zeus, man! #
21:14 @RDLee I don't think ANYONE wins in that scenario. That's a crime of Calibos-like proportions. #LetLooseTheKraken #

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ratpackslim @ 2010-02-14T23:01:00

2010-02-15T06:01:45Z

08:52 I'm thinking of taping a video valentine for all of my geeks and nerds. Which film would you like me to "swede" for you? #bekindrewind #
13:32 @KatzMoney: Can I give you a holler in like, an hour? #

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ratpackslim @ 2010-02-13T23:01:00

2010-02-14T06:01:22Z

01:58 @KatzMoney: You gonna be up all night anyway, check your inbox, player. #
01:58 @KatzMoney: I just realized I channeled Teddy Long there. #

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